Moleskine Moments

It's Been a Long Time Since...

2006-11-09T10:53:00.000-08:00

...I wrote anything in this blog. I'm taking a screenplay writing class this semester, with Greg Mellott, and it's kicking my ass. Writing to show is so completely different from the work I do five days a week and all of the creative writing I've done in the past.

I have wanted to quit so many times this past 12 weeks (4 more to go). I've been completely blocked and so very frustrated.

My daughter (the 20 year old) is taking the class with me. She put it all into perspective for me. "Mom, just get through this semester. It will all come together after this class is over." Ah, my perfectionism rears its ugly head - I want to be perfect in every way (the first draft out) - I want to blow my professor's mind with characters so deep and so profound that he'll stop writing for Hollywood and come worship at my feet. THAT ain't gonna happen.

I think the daughter is right. I also know I have to go back to writing something everyday to clear this creative blockage. Writers write, right? We've been talking about writing something together (we ping ideas off of each other very well) and Greg is willing to read it when we're ready. This is a really, really cool thing.

And it feels really good to write in this place, again.

Just How Many Moms...

2006-05-12T19:08:00.000-07:00

...can say that their child (birthed, adopted, foster or otherwise) proudly presented a "Look what I grew for you - for Mothers Day!" Lima Bean plant?

It's T-Ball People...

2006-04-29T21:16:00.000-07:00

...NOT MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL!

I keep score for my son's t-ball team. Its a great time watching the kids, chatting it up with the other team's scorekeeper, and yelling out all the stress I've built up during the week.

Tonight I got a taste of what I'm in for, if the boy wants to continue playing ball. Coaches taking this game WAY too seriously, intentional delays in the batting line-up, calling time outs in the weirdest places! What the hell? Mind games? You're teaching these six year old kids mind games?

To all you Little League and any other kid league coaches...ITS NOT ABOUT YOU!!!!!! Guess what those kids are thinking about! Here it is Coach - I don't care about the wins - I play for the drink tickets. Seriously Coach, take a look at what those boys are really doing. My kid just High-Fived your kid because they both tried to get to 1st (one with a ball in his glove, one trying to run through & on to 1st). Its a good play, but the runner is called "out" by the ump. Is this somehow a problem for the kids? Hell NO! Again Coach, here's what they're thinking - Dude, that was sooo cool how you caught that ball - I was almost safe, but you tagged me - that was awesome!!! High-Five Dude!!!

It took me 44 years to figure out why the world is so screwed up. Tonight all was made plain. And here's how to fix it all:

SIT DOWN, SHUT UP, AND ENJOY THE GAME.

Shit Happens...

2006-04-10T19:40:00.000-07:00

Warning - The following blog is extremely gross and not intended for the weak of stomach. If you are easily nausiated or grossed out please step away from this blog. The blogs to the right of my posts are much better suited to a gentile spirit. Please, think about this before you continue to read this blog....Oh God, you're still reading...okay, you have been warned.

This post should shine as a warning to all those thinking about going on a diet of mostly eggs, meat, and green leafy vegetables.

The first few days were great. I lost at least a pound or more a day. I had to eat three meals and two snacks a day. Being a proud member of the Clean Plate Club, it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Tuesday afternoon I felt discomfort in my lower back. I had increased weights on my regular gym routine; so I didn't give it a second thought. By Wednesday morning I couldn't rotate my torso on one of the Nautalis machines. Hmmm, maybe I pulled something on Monday.

Wednesday afternoon I found the urge to meditate on my boring corporate job, from the women's restroom - every 10 - 15 minutes. And now my stomache added a dull cramping to the mix.

Ten minutes into my 40 minute Wednesday afternoon commute home - my whole lower GI warned me to pull over. Yeah, where? Its all highway miles! Thank God for Lamaze classes (22 years ago)! In the early stages of labor - long cleansing breaths. I was way beyond that and heading into "transition" - Hee Hee Hah, Hee Hee Hah - You're fine, you're fine, you're gonna be okay...

I had this horrible urge to push. I fought the urge with all my might! I broke out into a clamy cold sweat. Oh, thank God, 39th Expressway (which is a sick joke really; there's nothing express about it) I spot a Taco Bueno on the right, but apparently Wednesday is "Asshole Drivers Day" and I was pushed further upstream in the middle lane on 39th.

The second wave washed over me at 39th and Ann Arbor. Hee Hee Hee Hee Hah, Hee Hee Hee Hee Hah Hair plastered to my cheeks and forehead as the cold sweat runs down my face. My hands are numb from the grip I have on the steering wheel. I'm okay, I'm fine, I'm fine, I just want to get home.

The intestinal insurgency declared war on the third wave. I could do nothing to stop the rebel forces of three days of a diet gone horribly wrong. There was nothing to do but roll down the windows. I thought of a Comedy Central's Margaret Cho special I saw last year. I was mortified, discusted and yet not alone. I have to thank Ms. Cho for being there in my hour of need - because her experience, stuck in L.A. traffic with the same lower GI adventure, is the only thing keeping me out of therapy.

Pulling up into my driveway - kids playing outside, the new neighbor watering her flower bed - Oh Lord, please make me invisible until I get in the house . Opening the front door I called for my unsuspecting husband. The man, who for nearly 16 years has heard me fart only once. This is gonna blow his mind.

He ran the shower for me...a little too cold. And since he was there - why not take a pee? When the cool water hit my shaken body - the insurgency declared Armageddon. By now, my mind has separated from my body and is observing (with commentary) Oh man! I had no idea my stomache could hold that much stuff. Damn, I ate those mushrooms three days ago. Jeez, puking in the shower is really loud!

Once over, I cleaned the shower, thanked God for Margaret Cho and leather car seats (had they been cloth I would have thrown the car away). I made myself a cup of Earl Grey and saw my husband staring into the T.V. "Are you okay?" I asked him. His voice soft and kind of far away "Yeah, I'm okay." "Are you grossed out?" I asked. A half-smile "Yeah, kinda."

"They should add a detailed list when they ask 'For better, for worse'." I said as I gingerly sipped my tea.

"Yeah, no shit."

He's Waited a Lifetime for this Moment...

2006-03-30T14:11:00.000-08:00

When my son was two years old he fell in love with a movie called "The Sandlot". It's one of those almost-coming-of-age movies that you can watch with your kids (although, to be fair there is an "Oh SHIT", but I think it was the right thing for that character to say at that particular moment in the story). All of my kids love it. And in my boy's mind, he is Benny "The Jet" Rodriguez.

So, the other night is the first game in the round-robin tournament of the PCO League, T-Ball division. It's cold, it's windy and these 11 kids are so excited. I look like a grey Umpa-lumpa in my "Mom" t-shirt, pulled over my grey sweatshirt. But I'm a warm Umpa-lumpa.

The umpire calls "Play ball!" and my son takes a swing and a miss. Strike one. He tightens his grip, chokes up on the bat and takes another swing. It connects. It's a line drive to Third base. The ball passes between the Third baseman's legs and heads to the back fence. "The Jet" steps firmly onto First base and makes the left turn to Second. Center field over-throws past Third base. "The Jet" rounds Second and heads straight to Third. The pitcher over-throws to Third and "The Jet" hits the bag and heads straight for Home. The umpire moves the tee off of Home plate and "The Jet" slides into Home. The look on my son's face spoke volumes as his behind slid across Home plate - grinding Oklahoma-red dirt into the white uniform. "I've been waiting my whole life to do this!"

Why it's So Cool to be a 5 (almost 6) Year Old Boy...

2006-03-13T20:42:00.000-08:00

...because you take great joy in slurping down a huge gulp of soda pop...you wait for it...wait..for..it...BELTCH!!

Tonight he received a bonus:

From one end of the house, "MOM!!! I BURPED AND A FART CAME WITH IT!!!"

WARNING...Rant Ahead...

2006-03-10T19:26:00.000-08:00

Dear Dial Soap People,

Please stop running that ad with the lady that holds the door open with her foot, so her kids don't get germs on them. The encouragement of this kind of behavior is disgusting!

I mean really, where have her shoes been all day? Do you know? Take a look at the bottom of your shoes! How socially irresponsible are you people, anyway? Gum, dead bugs and random dog turds (horse and cow turds if you're a cowboy/cowgirl - goat turds if you're my boss) - that's what you'll find at the bottom of your shoes. And yet you encourage your customers to behave so morally reprehensible as to spread E.Coli, BugColi* and GumColi* to the rest of us just so you can sell us your overpriced - watered down soap (although the foamy thingy is cool)!

And about the whole idea of protecting our kids from all of those germs. Kids are suppose to have regular germs all over them. That's what makes them snot-nosed little brats!

Signed,
The mother of a currently snot-nosed guy; probably due to the germs from the dog turds he picked up off of the bathroom door handle at Walmart.

*Though some words could be considered non-words, no real harm was done to the English language during the making of this rant.

Wichita...Wow...

2006-03-10T18:47:00.000-08:00

(The title to today's entry is one of those "inside things"; so inside, in fact, that were I to go through the complete history of why this is meaningful for my father, my uncle, and the guy that said this (though I seriously doubt he'd get it) your final reaction to that extreme effort would be: "Uh, yeah - I guess you had to be there." And, it really has nothing to do with this entry...sort of.)

Next week I get to spread my business traveling wings and drive to Wichita, Kansas. This will be the first time I stay at a Hyatt. I've enjoyed the many flavors of Marriott, Hilton, and Sheraton Hotel properties (some in Wichita). Now it's Mr. Hyatt's turn. I wonder if there is a Mr. Hyatt. I've met Mr. Marriott, Jr. Nice guy. Despite Paris' antics, the Hilton folks have been consistently good - from my perspective.

I'm looking forward to exploring Old Towne. I hear its similar to Bricktown in OKC. There's more places I'd like to see but I have one night in Wichita...Wow - and then its back to OKC.

Gary, I dedicate this business trip to you.

Plastic Bags are Evil...

2006-03-03T15:48:00.000-08:00

I don't know if plastic grocery bags are common everywhere else, but here - they are EVERYWHERE! And they all want to get tangled up underneath my car. I dodged three or four of them today. They dance gracefully, slow-motion like, across the highway as we bolt from concentrated job centers. Once they spot MY vehicle they go on their suicide mission, straight for the bottom of my car!

Over the last year I have had to pull off of the highway, multiple times, to dislodge the molten hot mass of plastic from my front axle and engine block. I see them floating; being gently tossed around in the air - up, down-up, and then BAM! they make the mad dash. They get sucked in at the front and never make it out the back. Shit! Put my right turn signal on. Luckily, everyone around me has seen the "Thank You for Shopping with Us" plastic suicide attack - and they make room for me to change lanes to get off the highway.

Today I was lucky. The guy in the new Lexus SUV...not so much. From the look on his driving companion's face - it wasn't his first plastic grocery sack suicide mission rodeo. Give him room folks, give him room...

Guy Friendships...

2006-03-01T19:51:00.000-08:00

I love that my son has a good handful of boys in the neighborhood, close to his age and that he will most likely grow up with them. My daughters had the same thing, for the most part, too.

But the girls' circle of friends changed considerably as they got older. I'm told by men that I know that these boys' friendships have a good chance of lasting a lifetime. That is such a good thing...except...

...there's that one kid - the one that you want to ask, "Hey kid, would you like a little cheese with that whine?", and complains when he doesn't get his way (at a particular dB that hurts my ears) and then says he's going home (but rarely does).

After he actually did live up to his promise to "...take my toys and go home!" I had to ask, "If he complains all the time why do you guys play with him? The other three said, "I don't know, we just do."

This Just Tickles Me...

2006-03-01T19:44:00.000-08:00

...that all of the gentle souls that read this blog from time to time - are now subscribed! I wish you could have heard the squeal and giggles.

And this is going to sound dorky as hell, but I have to admit that throughout the day, when I would remember that there are 4 people subscribed to this blog - well...it just made me smile.

And...if the trend continues, 3 out of the 4 will unsubscribe when they realize what they've done. 'till then - I'll just sit here and giggle to myself.

An Interesting Trend...

2006-02-26T08:00:00.000-08:00

...at least its interesting to me.

About six months ago I placed an RSS feed thingy on this blog. It wasn't long before I had one subscriber. I still don't want to know who it is because I might be devastated (sort of) to find out that the one subscriber is me - because I clicked the RSS feed thingy wanting to see how worked. I've written an entire post to that one subscriber. I'd feel pretty damned silly if I had written "Ode to My 1 (and only)..." to myself. So its best I don't find out one way or the other. Reality is highly overrated.

Anyway, back to the interesting trend. Ever since that first subscriber the blog will get a #2 subscriber from time to time - for about as long as it takes to post another moleskine moment. Soon thereafter #2 is gone and its just me and #1.

Now that this trend is officially documented here I must confess - its not that interesting. Just something to be filed away in the "Things that make me go - 'hmmm' - category.

Time's a Flyin'...

2006-02-20T20:48:00.000-08:00

Holy Moly! My oldest daughter is now as old as I was when SHE was
born!!!

Her other mom (we never did use the "step" or "half" hyphen "parent" or "sibling")called to wish ME happy birthday - because it's the 22nd anniversary of my giving birth DAY! And what a day that was! 7Lbs, 14.5oz and 20.5 inches long. A little mass of red hair and from day one she could stare a person down, size 'em up and go with her gut (and be right every time). At the ripe old age of 5 days she was held by a friend of her father's and proceeded to projectile vomit all over him. Yeah, she called it right!

I tried to have my husband call her first thing this morning. He didn't understand how important it is to be awakened to the tune of "Happy Birthday", being sung off key and at max dB. He wussed, and waited to make the call. So she was awake when he finally did.

Of course, she is 22 years old now and a bit wiser. She was awake early, with coffee in hand - waiting for our weesley attempts to jar her from her slumber.

So now its official. Although I am not a grandmother (and that's perfectly fine with me), I am now old enough to be a grandmother.

Ultimate Act of Futility...

2006-02-13T14:24:00.000-08:00

My son has some kind of nasty infection that entales antibiotics. Doc suspects its strep, but it didn't culture right off the bat for him. But, every other kid that came in today did culture right off the bat. Plus, no matter what it may be, it is bacterial.

Now its just a matter of time before I come down with it. I can take vitamins, minerals, gargle salty concoctions...its all futile. I'll come down with it. And that's okay, because I'd rather kiss and hug on my sick boy than try to avoid the unavoidable and not even get a hug and a kiss out of the deal - when I do come down with this particular brand of creeping crud! (How's THAT for a run on & on sentence! Take that grammar police!)

God willing, my husband will not get it at all. I'd rather have it twice.

All Kinds of Pissed Off...

2006-02-09T11:41:00.000-08:00

...with a co-worker.

I don't usually blog about work but MAN! Public humiliation is just not okay!

Here's the thing. Our office has a coffee fund. Most people pay the dues regularly, some don't. Granted, as an employee of this office you would have agreed to the terms or you wouldn't drink coffee. But plastering the names of those not paid up on the office refrigerator? What's next - a loan shark/enforcer?

And that isn't even the really pissy part. The really pissy part has to do with who this campaign was launched against. I think most offices have that one guy...the one that nobody can really like - although we've tried. Honestly, I can't stand him either - but socially bully him...NEVER COOL! And the "enforcer" putting the pressure on through incessant email reminders all morning long...this guy is no jewel either.

AND - its not like this coffee is good and worth publically humiliating another person.

Now, if you'll excuse me - my water is boiling - I think I'll enjoy a cup of Earl Grey today. Thank you for allowing the momentary venting of frustration.

Have a lovely day.

Something Else I can't Do...

2006-02-02T19:34:00.000-08:00

Have you ever looked at an abstract painting, had a bout of sticker shock when you see it sell for $25K (American) and say to yourself, "Damn! I could do that!!"

A blob of paint here, a smere of paint there - and then place that dog turd just so...

Yeah, well I can't do that anymore than I can dance. I can't draw to save my life. Not impressionist, realism, abstract or stick man - I got nothin'!

How do guys like Neal (hope your birthday was fabulous!) do it? What is missing on my double helix that inspires comments like - "uh, its a...uh..yeah, I don't know what it is."

The Illustration Friday site had "Free" for a subject a few weeks ago. "I could do that!" Out came the Moleskine. I started to doodle...dare I say sketch...a big bunch of baloons. Looking over my shoulder my son says "Ooh, nice football, Mom!"

Reading is fundamental...

2006-02-02T16:49:00.000-08:00

The boy is at that stage where he knows the English alphabet backwards, forwards and out of sequence. But why should he learn how to read when Mom can do it for him?

I've tried to encourage him with "...and you'll be able to learn anything!" Okay, but Mom could still read it to me if I asked her and said Please. So I tried a bit of a bribe. "And when you learn how to read I'll buy you comic books." He didn't say it, but I suspect he was thinking, Why don't you just buy the comic books and then read them to me?.

Yesterday, I found the one thing that sparked his imagination to the usefulness of reading. "As soon as you learn how to read you'll be able to tell when Power Rangers SPD is on by reading the digital cable guide on the TV without waiting for me to stop washing the dinner dishes to tell you when it's on."

Happy Birthday...

2006-01-27T19:43:00.000-08:00

...to Neal. Mr. Porkpop will be celebrating his 40th birthday on Saturday (GMT). In your honor I will be playing Wild Cherry's "Play that Funky Music White Boy" while cleaning my kitchen.

Farting in Public...

2006-01-26T16:13:00.000-08:00

...it wasn't me this time - I SWEAR!

Today's been one of those days. All of my best laid plans have gone horribly awry. The meeting that I absolutely HAD to be at was cancelled 20 minutes before it was suppose to start. I had so many other things to take care of today - and had been scheduled off to do them (for weeks ahead of time) - and then they moved this meeting to today. And then they cancelled it. Well, crap! Looking for the silver lining - the gym where I work out is closer to my office than my house, so I used the unexpected down time to get a good workout (and work out some of the frustration).

Then it was off to the dentist office, pick up my son and get him to school. But I turned right instead of left and ended up miles out of my way. Fine, I turned around, found the dentist office, kissed my husband (he was in the chair this time) and off we went.

When at the gym, and then the dentist's office I really should have taken a few moments to go to the bathroom. But I was in a hurry and my son's kindergarten class would start in 30 minutes and I was 35 minutes away. Having to really, really, really need to pee and being stuck in traffic on Northwest Expressway is so painful. I finally pulled into a gas station and made a be-line for the restroom. Yeah, I'd have never made it to the school and then home.

Miraculously, the boy was not late to class. Now its time to do a little grocery shopping, but I have to pee again and the checkbook is at home. I make a right turn coming out of the school's drop-off/parking lot and wouldn't you know it - the road is closed!! Agh! Half of the road is being re-surfaced. Shit! Now I have to go four wheeling in a car that was never designed to go off-road. So I'm taking it really, really slowly. And I still have to pee.

I get home, go pee, find the checkbook and head out to Walmart. The produce is over-priced and looks like hell. A child is throwing an exceptionally physical temper tantrum and I'm in today's winner of the Painfully Slow Cashier award checkout line. I read "O Magazine" cover to cover.

I have 40 minutes before my son is out of school (kindergarten is only a half-day). Just enough time to unload the groceries and put them away...if the car would start. Gggrreat - ruh, ruh, ruh, click, click, click. Lovely - a dead battery. Call the hubby. Oh, wait - he's at the dentist. I need a good Samaritan. I find one at the Walmart's auto care center. He has a charger/jumper thingy and vvvrroooom! Baby comes to life (that's the name of the car)! "You want, we can test da battry." 30 minutes 'till school's out. Okay, its worth the time. "Uh, ya gunna need a battry." I ask him how long its going to take - "Uh, bout fy mints." Okay, do it!

And this is where it happened. The farting in public. I'm standing in line behind this very lovely, proper looking, elderly woman. She farts...Loud. "Pull my finger" loud. All immediate concerns fade. I'm trying hard not to laugh out loud...and I'm trying to breath as shallowly as possible...I'm waiting for the smell. Behind me I hear, "Oh DUDE, did you fart?" I try the pointing-with-my-eyes trick. Shit - they think it was ME! AND THEN the smell greeting us - I mouth "It wasn't me - I swear.

Then and Now...

2006-01-24T18:35:00.000-08:00

As my son dashed out the door "I'M GOING TO GET THE MAIL!!!" - I remembered how excited I would get if I retrieved the mail before anyone else. And if, just if something was for ME?!..(or to Occupant) That was the shits!

Here's a few Then and Now comparisons:

Then: "I'LL GET IT!!!" when the phone rings.
Now: "You gonna get that?!"

Then: Candy (especially sour)
Now: Chocolate (especially dark)

Then: Jumping off of high places. I jumped off my neighbor's roof countless times.
Now: I won't jump off of a chair after changing a lightbulb in the kitchen (not to mention the anxiety attack I have on the way up).

Then: Car trips.
Now: 40 minute commutes to and from work.

One view that has not changed since I was a kid...fireworks displays., and dancing to "Play that Funky Music White Boy" when ever humanly possible.

Interesting that...

2006-01-24T18:10:00.000-08:00

...our society can't support a show like "The Book of Daniel" but we're totally on board with something like "Fear Factor".

Now I know where Fear Factor's producers are getting all of those tasty steamed testicles for their contestants to eat...NBC executives!

Losing it...

2006-01-22T19:43:00.000-08:00

I can't remember the name of the patron saint of lost things. This lapse in memory could not have come at a worse time.

Last year we started a video for my dearest friend's brother. This tape holds the moments of last year's Christmas, Easter Sunday's Egg Hunt, 4th of July and at least one birthday party.

Did I tape over it (God forbid) or did it make it's way to the same parallel universe where all miss-matched socks go when sucked out of the dryer? Either way, I fear its gone forever. And I feel like utter shit about it's loss.

This morning I called her to confess. The phone felt heavy in my hand. The buttons so hard to push. And here's the thing about friendship - she forgave me. She was disappointed that I had carelessly misplaced a precious year of her family's life. She forgave me - and apologized for being a bother.

Shit. I really want to find that tape!

MLK Through a Five Year Old's Eyes...

2006-01-14T21:31:00.000-08:00

"Mom, I don't have school on Monday!"

"I know! It's Martin Luther King, Jr. Day."

"What's that?"

"It's a day for celebrating and commemorating the life and work of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr."

"Was he a nice king?"

Smoke Gets in Your Eyes...

2006-01-05T19:47:00.000-08:00

The grass fires have been wicked this week. Oklahoma is not on fire (entirely) despite national news reports, but the smoke in the air has been a real pain.

Would someone please do a rain dance or two? I'd do it, but as I mentioned last year this white girl can't dance.

How to get a 5 year old to eat...

2006-01-03T21:15:00.000-08:00

...just about anything:

1. Tie it to her favorite story. The oldest daughter was dooped into eating beets by her step-mother. Yep, the end-all-be-all Queen of Mac & Cheese also loved the story "Heidi". So her step-mom worked beets into the story, and then served them with dinner soon there after ("It's Heidi food!"). Of course, she was busted once our girl learned how to read and realized that there were no beets mentioned in "Heidi".

2. Name it after his favorite vacation spot. Tonight I wanted my son to try sweet potatoes. He wouldn't go near them during Thanksgiving and I didn't push it. But sweet potatoes are so wonderful. Even my dad likes them now. So, tonight I asked the boy if he'd like to try "California French Fries". And as expected - he love them!

I wonder if I could get him to clean his room if I told him that having the toys IN the toy box was "California Style".

Virgin Monk...

2006-01-01T18:35:00.000-08:00

I started watching Monk recently. Its wonderful on so many levels.

I'm a little concerned that I can relate to much of the OCD stuff. Mostly, I'm comforted. So, I thought I'd share some of the - what could be called - Monkness in me.

1. I have to un-tangle the curly cord that attaches the handset to the phone. How other people stand leaving that curly cord thingy tangled is beyond me. I've been known to un-tangle other co-workers' curly phone cord thingies.

2. I have to have the right coffee cup for weekend coffee, or the coffee won't taste right. (FYI, I have one coffee cup at work, and coffee at the office is pretty bad, no matter what cup you put it in.)

3. The lanyard for my iPod Shuffle and my work ID have to be wrapped "just so" before I put them in my purse. To be honest, they may be more about my need to carry a small purse...yeah, right - who am I kidding!

4. When I make Kraft Easy Mac in the microwave and all the noodles are standing up in a honeycomb configuration when I take it out - it gives me the ibbie jibbies and I HAVE TO knock them all back down into the water before I can add the cheese sauce.

5. The feel of corduroy makes me gag.

I'm sure there's plenty more, but I can't think of them right now (or don't want to admit to them, for now).

Hopeful...

2005-12-31T08:48:00.000-08:00

Ring out, wild bells, to the wild sky,
The flying cloud, the frosty light:
The year is dying in the night;
Ring out, wild bells, and let him die.

Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.

Ring out the grief that saps the mind,
For those that here we see no more;
Ring out the feud of rich and poor,
Ring in redress to all mankind.

Ring out a slowly dying cause,
And ancient forms of party strife;
Ring in the nobler modes of life,
With sweeter manners, purer laws.

Ring out the want, the care, the sin,
The faithless coldness of the times;
Ring out, ring out my mournful rhymes,
But ring the fuller minstrel in.

Ring out false pride in place and blood,
The civic slander and the spite;
Ring in the love of truth and right,
Ring in the common love of good.

Ring out old shapes of foul disease;
Ring out the narrowing lust of gold;
Ring out the thousand wars of old,
Ring in the thousand years of peace.

Alfred, Lord Tennyson

...but not holding my breath.

Happy New Year 'yall.

You Know its Time...

2005-12-27T15:47:00.000-08:00

...to clean up your computer's hard drive when you discover there's more space on the iPod Shuffle than your C: and D: drives, combined.

The Day After...

2005-12-27T15:39:00.000-08:00

Twenty minutes in the "10 Items or Less" line at Walmart (made good time, considering) I surveyed the "Customer Service/Returns" line. Yeah, I would have taken that stuff back too.

The Reason for My Season...

2005-12-25T22:01:00.000-08:00

I make a short trip out of town each year, on Christmas day, to be with my dearest friend. It has nothing to do with presents, decorations, or a really good meal.

This is her favorite day - when she gathers 25+ people to eat and spend some time together. The experience is like going to Chuck-E-Cheese, only the food is so much better! (And you may need a mild sedative when you get home.) But that's not why I go.

I go for that moment when all the kids (and there's so many now) have opened their gifts and begin talking to each other. This moment comes and goes quickly - the casual observer might miss it. It is then - when my dearest friend and her sister - move their attention to each other and together carefully unwrap their gifts.

Their moment is what I look forward to. The warm easy smiles and sparkling eyes. The hugs full of love and appreciation for the thought that went into a particular gift. Just before this moment passes these women hold each other and take in the family around them. Most of the people in this room they made - directly or indirectly - and they smile.

And then its gone. Time to clean up the wrapping paper. Load the dishwasher. Cover countless casserole dishes with plastic wrap and foil. Until next year...

Look for those moments.

I Escaped...

2005-12-21T20:16:00.000-08:00

...from the luncheon part of "The Demon Office Christmas Party" and food-borne illness fest. I didn't want to miss the Dirty Santa part (remember - I'd invested $1.00 American already).

Here's the secret. Have something notarized. (I don't know if this is possible in other countries, so it may only work here.)

For several reasons - I'm not one for telling lies. 1. It royally sucks to be lied to. AND 2. It's just so damned hard to cover a lie. So - I really did have to get something notarized during the germ fest part of the shindig. (details of why I needed to have something notarized will follow in about 6-8 weeks - here's a hint: It involves Corn Dogs)

Manager: "Aren't you staying for the luncheon?"
Me: "Oh, no. I have to run to the bank and have something notarized."
Manager: "Oh, I completely understand. You're not going to miss Dirty Santa are you?"
Me: "Are you kidding? I can't miss that!"and then to myself - I want to see what my return on investment is going to be.

And the ROI? A gift set of Tabasco Sauce flavors and a basting brush.

The One Really Sucky Thing...

2005-12-20T10:17:00.000-08:00

...about the holiday season is the office holiday party. I hate this ritual and here's why:

Potluck. Need I say more here? This should be called "The Sea of Brown Food" Day! How many things can a person put French's Fried Onions in/on?
Green Bean Casseroles. It deserves it's own entry.
That guy - that EVERYONE knows he doesn't wash his hands after using the bathroom/picking his nose/and/or/wedgy - he's the first in line and has to touch every bit of food before he puts anything on his plate.
That other guy that you suspect doesn't wash his hands long enough AND he smells everything before he'll put it on his plate.
Dirty Santa
The obligitory Dirty Santa gifts. It used to be a $5.00 OR LESS gift. Each year the cost seems to go up and up. This year the email said "...and start thinking about that $7 - $15 gift." Don't tell anyone, but just for spite I went to Dollar Tree this year. I suspect that most of the folks in my office will do the same thing - so I don't know why the guy that organizes this 45 minutes of hell tries to push the threshold.

Don't get me wrong. I love this season. I love the lights and the music (to a point). I love how for just a little while people go out of their way to be good to each other. Charitable donations/volunteer hours increase and we think more about how we can be better people. We get to see people we haven't seen in a long time.

And finally # 7. The one guy (see #6) that gives a crap about this stupid tradition. I have no idea why we continue to humor this guy....we are sheep!

Home Depot...

2005-12-01T16:08:00.000-08:00

...should sell ibuprofin.

Does Your Spiritual Relationship...

2005-11-30T12:26:00.000-08:00

...with God hinge on "Christmas", "X-Mas", "Holidays"?

I've had about enough of the bitch and moan over what to call the last month of the year. Who the heck cares if you call it Christmas or Holidays? Apparently, a bunch of people find this important. But I have to ask, does someone wishing you a "Happy Holiday" make you feel less of a Christian? Is the attempt to not offend become such a hindrence to your spirit that your relationship with God is deminished?

We live in a diverse society folks! Just by looking at me, you can't tell if I'm Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, Pagan, Agnostic or Athiest. And I'd bet you don't "look like a..." either!

And for those who read this regularly and may be asking "Whoa! Where did this come from? She's usually a pretty light read!" I'll tell you! I watched a perfectly polite person wishing someone a "Happy Holiday" get their ass chewed out because they did not wish them a "Merry Christmas"! And it completely bummed out the perfectly polite person. THAT SUCKS!

So, before I get back to the lighter side of writing...Happy Frickin' Holidays!

What NOT to do...

2005-11-28T08:07:00.000-08:00

...over the long holiday weekend.

I'm in the final (God willing) stretch of the "re-tile the bathroom" project this weekend. Please make note...Never say "We really need to re-tile the front bathroom" while still on a post-Thanksgiving turkey stuper!

"It will be easy", "We have everything we need in the garage"...The next time you hear yourself, or a loved one, say anything close to the previously mentioned statements...have another turkey sandwich and take another long nap; until the feeling passes.

The phrase that sums it all up...My son calling from the livingroom "MOOOOMMMMM!!! DAD NEEDS YOU TO BRING HIM THE TILE SMASHER!"

No more...

2005-11-25T19:20:00.000-08:00

...pie.

Or turkey, cranberry sauce, stuffing, mashed potatoes....

I'm just now coming out of the turkey coma, so I missed all the "Black Friday" shopping insanity. I went to Walgreens Pharmacy, but that place doesn't get wild with shoppers until the "Oh Crap! I haven't done ANY Christmas shopping, it's 11:00 p.m. on Christmas Eve and the only thing open is the gas station run by a very nice Pakistani couple and the Walgreens down the street" mad shopping rush.

I plan to watch the spectacle on December 24th! I'll take a few sandwiches, my "soccer mom" folding chair, a big cup of eggnog ... just make an evening of it. Would you like to join me?

I've Gone and Done it Now...

2005-11-14T19:59:00.000-08:00

Okay, I've tinkered. I've tweaked. I've freaked out over the sound of my voice and that creepy feeling when you sit in a room and talk to yourself. And now, its out there...the podcast...Please check this out and give me gently-honest feedback.

http://tuneswings.blogspot.com

Going the Extra Mile...

2005-11-13T18:27:00.000-08:00

...when you're married to a man that did not grow up in the 70's, or the United States.

Me: "I'm sorry, what did you say our son was doing?"

Husband: "The Honky Tonk."

Me: "Don't you mean The Hokey Pokey?"

Husband: "What's the difference between a Honky Tonk and The Hokey Pokey?"

Me: "A Honky Tonk is a bar. The Hokey Pokey is a dance. You could do the Hokey Pokey in a Honky Tonk."

And then my dad expanded my husband's knowledge with:

Dad: "And then there's a Firn Bar." Okay, I have to admit - before my time.

Me: "What's a Firn Bar?"

Dad: "It's a bar with Cole Porter playing in the background and there's lots of firns all around, for decoration."

Husband: "What's a Firn?"

Dad: "A Firn is a tree-shaped plant with long leaves that kind of look like Farah Fawcett's hair."

Me: "Honey, do you know who Farah Fawcett is?"

Husband: "No."

Dad: "Okay, how about Jessica Simpson?"

Husband: "The cartoon?"

Me: "No, that's Lisa Simpson."

I'm One of THOSE Parents...

2005-11-06T19:15:00.000-08:00

...that didn't lie to my son about Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny or the Tooth Fairy. But he's got to have a process for everything. He tells me in the car tonight that he knows how the kids get the toys on Christmas morning. "They think its Santa Clause, but its really their parents...and they have to go to a store in the middle of the night that's open...like Walmart...and they get stuff and bring it home and give them to the kids. And if the parents remember that the kids were good then they get toys. And if the parents remember all the bad stuff they did, then they get them cloths."

I asked him if he was going to tell kids that did believe in Santa Clause...he told me "No, because its none of my business what they believe." Son, you rock!

Ode to My 1 (and only)...

2005-11-02T14:26:00.000-08:00

Quietly, patiently you wait. If my muse is on extended holiday you don't complain. Eventually the muse returns (I've named her Mildred) from Boca Rotan, Florida. I write a little more. And even when its crap that hits the webpage you are still there. Quiet. Patient.

I don't need to know who you are. Its just so nice to know that you're there. You, my one and only subscriber to this blog.

Podcast DJ'ing...

2005-10-29T23:02:00.000-07:00

...is a very odd, scary, un-nerving kind of feeling. Sitting in my office (dare I call it a studio?) talking into a microphone/headset thingy is so bizarre!! Thank God for Ctrl+Z!!! I've tried at least a dozen times tonight to record my voice. I get all hung up as I watch the wave form in Audacity (super cool free audio editor) flatline as I try to come up with something to say.

I tried to write out a script. OH DEAR LORD!!! I sounded more stiff than Al Gore. So for the time being, its going to be brief intros to each song. This DJ'ing stuff is hard! My Dad was a DJ and I have a new found respect for his radio career. And I have to admit, I thought about abandoning the whole thing....but....what a sucky feeling if I bailed on myself, you know. Anyway, I'm doing it (maybe doing it over, and over, and over until I'm over that off-center feeling).

Its an interesting feeling to step out of my comfort zone. So far the format is shaping up to be two songs. They could be my daughter's stuff, or my Dad's or any number of other perfectly podsafe music selections. Oh, and the name will be Tune Swings. I'll do an Episode #0 and ask for feedback (before putting out on an RSS feed) in the near future.

Stay tuned to this blog for further details.

Going from Bad to Worse...

2005-10-25T08:47:00.000-07:00

I had a great conversation with a very dear friend of mine this weekend. She has kids (2 girls, 1 boy), I have kids (2 girls, 1 boy) so we usually end up talking about our kids.

The sub-topic on the kids topic was about marriage; specifically the worst a mother could expect in a mate for their children. Here's a snippet of our conversation:

"...and I feel sorry for our future in-laws, especially if they're politicians."

"Ooh, or worse - actors."

"You are an actor."

"Right - unemployed actors."

"Okay. Ooh, or worse - musicians."

"Your whole family are musicians!"

"Need I say more."

"Right. Ooh, or worse - stand-up comics."

"Okay - you win.

Ironic...

2005-10-20T20:53:00.000-07:00

I was thinking of my L.A. daughter and surfing blogs...interesting (to me, at least).

You are

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/rejectedcrayonquiz/"What Rejected Crayon Are You?

Is it a Guy Thing?

2005-10-20T10:11:00.000-07:00

At this very moment I'm sitting at my desk, listening to my office-mates playing cards during their lunch break, in the conference room. Every single one of them is making some kind of sound-effect kind of noise. Sci-fi wistles, buzzes, wines, pops, beeps, clicks, clucks, all types of trumpeting sounds, pac-man game-over sounds, and Homer Simpson and/or Tim-the-Tool-Man-Taylor imitations!

My son has always done his own sound effects. Its cute when you're five. No so much when you're 35 - 45.

A Natural Progression?

2005-10-17T13:47:00.000-07:00

I need your help. I'm thinking about trying my hand at podcasting.

I need your ideas and feedback. What do you think? Is this a good idea? Have I lost my ever loving mind?

Should it be something along the same lines as this blog? Or should I go into a new direction?

What do you think? What would you like to hear?

To use a very over-used corporate salutation - Thanks in advance for your help.

Soccer Season:...

2005-10-16T19:55:00.000-07:00

...The Documentary.

I'm learning that I'm a much better editor than cameraman! I captured three games into the editor this weekend. My handheld has always been bad, but the shots on the tripod aren't much better. And Duh! Getting shots of the kids running away from the camera is - well - crap.

Its a good thing I'm a much better editor. We'll fix it in post.

One in Every Crowd...

2005-10-15T19:53:00.000-07:00

I'm a soccer mom. I didn't want to admit it at first. Somehow, believed I would be admitting conformity if I allowed myself to be labeled a Soccer Mom. I don't drive a mini-van or an SUV. I don't bring snacks (healthy or otherwise) to the game. I laugh and cheer (mostly laugh) at the teams as they face off each Saturday. I tape nearly every game (the batteries crapped out right before one game and I ran out of tape today - I'm sorry son; our medical insurance has a pretty decent mental health benefit - should you need it.)

Its a team of 5 year olds (mostly - some younger). Its three on three - no goalie and no scoring. Its an absolute blast to watch them play. But there's a Stage Mother in every crowd.

One of the moms has the ability to annoy absolutely everyone within a 20 foot radius and totally beats my last nerve! I thought I could multi-task. I got nothin' on her. During the games she's on her cell phone, coaching/disciplining her son from the sidelines and having an argument with her husband - all at the same time.

I wonder...is it really the kids that need ADHD drugs? Is it remotely possible that a good handful of their parents could be the ones that need a little pharmacological assistance?

On the way home it dawned on me - next spring the boy will be in both soccer and t-ball. What the hell was I thinking? If there's at least one in every crowd...odds are that I get to have 2 stage mom types - 4 times a week.

That's a lot of meddling motherhood folks! Wish me luck!

A Good Friend...(for the girls)

2005-10-12T13:52:00.000-07:00

How do you know you have a girl friend that totally has your back?

I know I do. She tells me when my mascara has migrated to my cheeks and my lipstick is on my teeth. She tells me when a stray hair is growning under my chin and when I have spinach stuck in between my front teeth. She even told me when I had tucked the back of my skirt into my panty hose, after leaving the lady's room.

Recently, we were out to lunch and while sitting in a very busy, very open restaurant - digging in my purse for the cell phone blasting Marvin Gaye's "Sexual Healing" she leans in and quietly says, "Um, I took those tampons off the table and put them back in your purse, dear."

Word Verification...

2005-10-11T10:26:00.000-07:00

...its a good thing. Much thanks to Logan and Neal for guiding me to the word verification feature on Blogspot.

I don't get it...spam. Okay, I get it in my inbox, but I don't understand it. Have you ever opened a piece of spam and said to yourself "Yes, I do need a penis/breast enlargement device, even though I don't have a penis and/or breasts." And if you're going to spam me, make it interesting for Pete's sake!! Try to sell me on a penis AND breast enlargement device. I might be able to see my way clear to part with some hard earned cash just to say I own the piece of crap.

And its never anything useful, is it? Spam me with maid services in my area, or a personal chef, or someone to do the laundry, a free night of baby sitting - or a nice message.

I have all these things to do each day - that kind of spam might be helpful. At least there's potential there to free up some time - time enough to be romantic with my husband after he purchases Viagra at wholesale prices!

Blog Spam...

2005-10-10T10:36:00.000-07:00

...is rediculously annoying!!! Come on people. Hows-a-bout I start charging for ad space?

Of the handful of blog friends/readers of mine...how many of you are getting the crap too?

Just curious.

A New Terror Alert System...?

2005-09-27T21:03:00.000-07:00

I've been in used car buying purgatory, of late. Word to the wise...ALWAYS test drive dirty cars!! It's the only way to go! You get to see the good, the bad and the really sticky front seat drink holder ugly.

Finally, after several weeks, we made the deal. Time to sign the papers! We were directed to the finance office (even though we weren't financing). The "office" was a small closet with a big desk. And I could hear the dealings of other "finance specialists" as they offered their congradulations to the new owners of a six year note on a car that would loose value as soon as it was driven off the lot.

And then came the smell. Not New-Car smell. Nope, more like "I know that's shit, but what's on it?" smell. The husband asks the boy "Did you pooter?" The boy sits up straight in the chair and says "Yep, and its yellow."

The husband and I must have been on the same brain wave length! Its a new terror alert system! There's Green - no smell, just noise. Yellow - enough smell to get your attention and will probably get loved ones to ask "Did you fart?" Orange - "Oh Honey!" and RED - clear the room and my son giggles with glee and shouts proudly "I stinked you out!!!"

A Poem...

2005-09-20T08:28:00.000-07:00

I eat my peas with honey;
I've done it all my life.
It makes the peas taste funny;
But it sticks 'em to the knife!

His First Season...

2005-09-19T10:28:00.000-07:00

Saturday was the first soccer game of my 5 yr old son's life. He was spectacular! Dribbling the ball down the right-side of the field, ahead of the pack and moving quickly toward his team's goal...when the left shoe went flying into the middle of the field! The assistant coach was quick on the shoe-retreaval, placed the shoe back on my boy's left foot and got him back into the game. My son caught up to the rest of the players, snagged the ball and made it to the goal(but not in it)!!

I laughed for more than an hour - both at the antics on the field and the parents shreeking at their boys to "KICK THE BALL!!!!". The beauty of claiming to be an amateur filmmaker - moving my setup to the other side of the field - away from the parents. Get real people - its a bunch of little boys, learning to wear cleats for the first time - on a three-on-three-no-goalie-no-scoring game! Its not the World Cup!

Never at a Loss for Words...

2005-08-31T20:54:00.000-07:00

...until now. Watching Katrina's aftermath. No words. Only silent prayers. Many, many silent prayers.

I've Been Dreaming of this Day...

2005-08-23T16:02:00.000-07:00

...is what the boy said.

He was able to sleep until he woke up (i.e. no alarm clock) - a lovely way to start a Monday. He got to wear his favorite bright shiny yellow sleeveless shirt and bright shiny blue shorts to school (i.e. Dad in charge). He was able to use the red crayon with abandon at school.

After school he went to McDonalds and got an Excelleraser car in his Happy Meal. Throughout the day he proclaimed, "I've been dreaming of this day!"

At sunset he and his friends decided to have a bike race down our street. He was winning - and then he was crying. Between great painful sobs..."I was aiming for the trash cans, but...Oh it hurts so bad! Why won't it stop?!!"

Half his toe nail was torn away on one foot and most of the skin on top of the toes of his other foot was scraped off.

"I knew I should have put my shoes on, Mom! I was dreaming of this day!"

The 19 yr. Old Girl...

2005-08-19T18:32:00.000-07:00

...is being a royal fucking-pain-in-the-ass!

What is it about being female, and that age? I was like that too. I knew absolutely everything there was to know about every little thing on this Earth, and had someone asked - any planet! I'd bet that I knew about the newest planet in our solar system - all the way back in 1980. God came to me for advice!

And so it is with great humility that I apologize to my father (who reads this drivel from time to time) on Earth and to my mother who lives with God now and is most likely laughing her ass off at me (as she should be) for being a royal fucking-pain-in-the-ass at age 19.

The Last of the Firsts...

2005-08-16T20:45:00.000-07:00

School starts tomorrow. I have mixed feelings about this.

Everything, where my son is concerned, is his first and my "last firsts".

Here's a list of fun facts running through my head this week:

1. This is my last "First Day of School".
2. We have the school supplies and the new school cloths. Don't you just love that new shoe smell?
3. Along with the regular "tidy-whities" and Power Ranger underwear - the boy is giving Spiderman boxers a try.
4. By the time he graduates from high school I will be 56 years old.
5. By the time he graduates from high school I will have purchased school supplies and school cloths for more than 35 years.

Fourteen years ago I didn't appreciate how fast it all goes by. I appreciate it now!

Take a Meeting...

2005-08-15T12:00:00.000-07:00

Oldest daughter...she's becoming "L.A." Her Oklahoma accent has faded to the flat, western U.S. - speaking only the intended amount of syllables - accent.

Some of her Oklahoma-ness remains. She still eats her french fries with Ranch dressing. (Everything tastes better with Ranch) And she prefers Dr. Pepper over any other type of coke. (coke=soda in these parts)

The sure sign that she's becoming a Californian? She "meets" with people. On Saturday she "...had a lunch meeting with Uncle Mikey."

In Oklahoma we "get-together." Next weekend I have a get-together with my board of directors. We don't take meetings. We meet...for a get-together.

The similarity?
Business gets done, and food/drink is consumed.

The main difference?
When you take a meeting - the food is made (and usually consumed) in a restaurant.
When you have a get-together everyone brings a dish of their favorite recipe. And sometimes there's a porch swing.

Hanging with the Boys...

2005-08-06T18:13:00.000-07:00

I just overheard this conversation between my son and his two best friends:

My Boy: "Hey, did you hear me fart?"
Best Friends 1 & 2: Laughter
My Boy: "No, really - did you hear me fart?"
Best Friends 1: "No Dude, do it again."
My Boy: "Okay. Pull my finger!"

"Sky High" A Movie Review...

2005-08-03T20:04:00.000-07:00

The best part of "Sky High" was when I discovered a large Jello cube at the bottom of my purse while feeling around for my cell phone (to turn it off as the movie was starting).

Ah well, the boy enjoyed it very much.

The First Accessory...

2005-08-03T17:39:00.000-07:00

It's been a few weeks since the Shuffle came into my life. I knew I would enjoy this toy, but now I want to listen on my 40 minute morning/afternoon commute. But ear buds and traffic do not mix. Enter the FM Transmitter. The first of many accessories to come, I'm sure.

Since the Shuffle is relatively new, 3rd party accessories are hard to come by. I looked for a sleek little case to carry the tiny iPod and it's ear buds. The closest thing I could come up with was a tampon holder. It all fit nicely inside, but lets face it - it was a tampon holder. So, for the time being - I continue to use my spare reading glasses case. The girly-girl in me likes that it all matches, but its not the solution I was hopping for.

Ah, but who cares when I can spend my traffic time with Jesse "America's sweetheart" Thorn on The Sound of Young America or the Tartan Podcast, thanks to the Belkin TrueCast? I thought about springing for the $33.96 model at Walmart, but went for the less expensive $19.96 model. My car stereo tuner sucks, so more money would have not made much of a difference. Anyway, if I slip the little transmitter in the hole where the cigarette lighter assembly used to be (yeah, I drive a P.O.S.) I get pretty damned good reception (which is much, much better than what I could pick up on our local NPR station).

Looking forward to the commute!

Boys have a Penis, Girls have...

2005-07-26T18:09:00.000-07:00

My son is a shower kinda guy these days. But that's not the blog-worthy point.

After he was all showered and towel-dried he hopped out and lifted the toilet seat about half way.

"What are you doing?", I asked while picking up underwear, socks, shorts and shirt from the bathroom floor - and then I realized - oh, he was taking a pee.

He says, in his five year old matter-of-fact tone, "Me and Dad like to pee like this sometimes. Do you?"

I replied, "No sweety, I can't do it like that because girls don't have a penis."

Then he shared his understanding of human biology. "Girls do to have a penis. Its just that your's is flat!"

First Week on the Shuffle...

2005-07-24T08:19:00.000-07:00

This is such a cool toy! It's tiny; weighing only an ounce and its very easy to use. I plug the thing into my USB 2.0 port and it charges while I'm dragging and dropping shows into it. And the girly girl in me loves how cute it is. I'd like to find something to carry it in, but for now I wrap the lanyard around the Shuffle and place it (along with the earbuds) in my reading glasses case - with my glasses and it all fits nice and neat!

So far, I've subscribed to 18 podcasts through iTunes. I'm looking into different podcasting options. There's so much stuff out on the net. Its a bit overwhelming. What's your favorite podcasting tool?

On a daily average I load it with 6 hours of podcasts to listen to at work. I haven't used it much for music, although I subscribe to several music centered podcasts. My absolute favorite so far is Accident Hash. He's Boston based and plays nothing but podsafe music on his show. And the people/bands he plays...they're good - and so is his production value. Check him out at www.accidenthash.com.

The Sound of Young America, www.splangy.com, is pretty decent. They're young and a little snotty (snooty? in a "I'm young, idealistic and haven't had to wait tables or wash dishes to feed my kids" sort of way) but they're bright, funny and have interesting guests on their show.

Slate Magazine podcasts too! www.slate.com And ABC Radio National's "The Science Show" http://www.abc.net.au/rn/science/ss/ out of Australia is an excellent listen.

Quality of life at work has improved 10 fold (should tell you how interesting my job is). The search for interesting podcasts is a fun adventure.

The hubby has been getting lots and lots of hugs and kisses!

New Obsession...

2005-07-16T23:15:00.000-07:00

Podcasts! Radio on demand! And my new iPod Shuffle! My husband is the coolest! Enough exclamation points yet?

I've been hearing about podcasts here and there - so I checked out iTunes, downloaded the software and WOW!, all kinds of "radio on demand" stuff. Talk shows on any subject imaginable. Some of it is so-so, some if it is pretty bad, and there's a great deal of good stuff. Everything from a mom & pop type program to a good handful of NPR stuff like Studio 360 and Science Friday. So of course I wanted an iPod. But the cost, another WOW! $99.94 for the Shuffle at Walmart. Sigh...if I put it on layaway, I might be able to get it......in 8 to 10 weeks.

And then my husband and son came in late this evening. My son said "Mom...we got something for ya." I asked, "Is it a remote control airplane?" My eyes were closed, but I could hear his smile. "No." I gave it another guess, "Is it a vacuum cleaner?" (hoping like crazy that it was indead NOT a vacuum cleaner. "No (giggle)...OPEN YOUR EYES!"

There it was, just an ounce in weight. Not much larger than a stick of gum. Its wonderful. My husband is wonderful (he was wonderful before he bought me the iPod) and its wonderful that he listens to me from time to time.

This is so cool.

More Random Thoughts...

2005-07-08T16:35:00.000-07:00

How can we begin to hope for an end to poverty, political corruption, or teaching G.W. Bush to speak the English language when the hotdog people and the hotdog bun people can't come together on the 10 dogs vs. 8 buns per package issue?

It is my prediction that when the HD/HD Bun folks come together there will be peace on Earth, goodwill towards mankind and a cure for the common cold.

Until then...gotta go, the grill is ready!

Reminds Me of The Full Monty...

2005-07-07T17:43:00.000-07:00

...without the full monty! Click this link!

I can't help but imagine what it must have looked like when these guys rehearsed this masterpiece!

If you don't, at least, smile - then you're dead.

This Sucks...

2005-07-07T16:08:00.000-07:00

I learned about The Tube and bus bombings this morning while getting ready for work.

Neal, I hope like hell that you and all of your loved ones are safe from harm's way. And for those of you that don't know Neal, check out the Mr. Porkpop link over to the right. His drawings, doodlings and such are kick ass!

My daughter uses the L.A. Metro system pretty regularly. I'm so glad she called me this afternoon. (okay, that's a random thought, but its been a random thought kind of day)

Thinking About Stuff & Fireworks...

2005-07-07T15:56:00.000-07:00

I'm reasonably new to blogging and I'd been pretty regular about posting; and then came summer.

There's no shortage of writing fodder -just a shortage of motivation to plop my ass in front of the computer to type it all out. Should anyone give a shit...and why should they; its summer for goodnesssake! Turn off the computer and go rub some sunshine on your face!

Here's some random thoughts and happenings:

Thoughts and Reminiscing:

1. The first concert I ever attended was a Chuck Mangione(www.chuckmangione.com) concert. It was in the Artumis Hamm (sp?) concert hall in LasVegas, NV. The sound system crapped out 16 bars into "Feels So Good"and without missing a beat the man continued to play his Fluglehorn to a level few achieve. As a budding musician I was enthralled with his absolute professionalism. I was young and inspired!

2. The last concert I attended was The Grateful Dead (www.dead.net). Like most of their concerts it was outdoors and many, many "Deadheads"were there too. A combination of way too many people and too much alcohol - I puked where I sat. Still wasted and not caring - I just moved over to the left a little and tried to pass out. In my drunken haze (I was going to say purple haze, but that's Jimmy Hendricks) I remember Ricky (friend and neighbor at the time) had returned from somewhere else and preceded to sit down. The handful of people behind me, knowing what I had done earlier, tried to stop Ricky from sitting in the pukey spot..."..oh, Oh, OH NO DON'T!...OOOHHhhh No...Oh well, we tried." Ricky was really wasted too, so he didn't care so much. I was young and stupid.

Happenings:

1. Growing up in Las Vegas, NV, the 4th of July was one of those holidays where you get the day off from school, there's special food (hot dogs on the grill, potato salad - my mom's recipe is the best, by the way) but none of the stress to buy presents or put up with family you don't really care to be around. And of course, fireworks. Fireworks you spend a ton of money on and are usually disappointed with their performance - if not mutilated by them.

One year my mother's coat was in the back seat, and someone's pop-bottle rocket went through the car window and caught the coat on fire. I'm sure she was thinking "How am I going to replace that coat." I was thinking, "What the hell were you doing, leaving your winter coat in the car during a typical Vegas 114F degree summer?"

The year after that my parents took me to Burkholder Jr. High's football field to watch a professional fireworks display. Holy shit! What a breath-taking experience! The explosions were loud and the display was huge. And the most amazing thing? It was FREE! I couldn't believe they weren't charging everyone at least $5.00 (American). And I still feel this way about fireworks displays. I go out of my way to catch every fireworks show I can get away with. Its so very Zen. Its black & stars, and then the sky is filled with light and color. And then it's black & stars again. My mind goes quiet. If I think - I'll miss the next one. And the grand finale? Oh My God! My mind is cleared of all extraneous data. You could push me off a bridge and I wouldn't notice. My eyes are opened as far as they can go, and I'm trying to catch every little detail. Its pure joy for me.

This year was no different. With the exeption of making an effort to watch the look on my son's face. Its pure joy for him, too.

End of an Era...

2005-06-27T20:08:00.000-07:00

My son spent every night of his life sleeping in our bedroom. Half of his life we all spent many a night snuggling together. I don't believe its for everyone - its what worked for our family.

I knew the day would come when he would be ready to sleep in his own room. That day was Saturday.

I was helping him clean up his bedroom (he's always had his own room, he just chose not to sleep in it) and sort his laundry. Matter of fact-ly I asked, "When are you going to sleep in your own room?" He answered "Today." This didn't tear my heart out, or make me jump for joy. I knew, for him, it was time.

We chose the bed linens he wanted to have on his bed. Moved the night light into his room as well as the radio. He likes to go to sleep to classical music. He calls it Pretty Music. And when bedtime rolled around, I read him "One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish", tucked him into his bed and gave him his customary hugs and kisses. My husband and I didn't sleep well that night - we kept one ear tuned to hear "Mommy....Daddy...." but our son never called for us. He slept like a baby (which is a very silly thing to say - because babies tend not to sleep all night long - at least mine didn't). And early Sunday morning he burst into our bedroom. "MOM! I did it!!!"

Later that day, while cleaning up after dinner I said, "You know what? Last night was the first time in your entire life that you slept in your own room." And the precocious little booger says to me..."Yeah, I was thinking I needed a change."

Summer...

2005-06-13T18:06:00.000-07:00

The season's layed back attitude - my only real desire involves lemonaide and my patio swing - makes it so hard when you find out you have to travel for work. Yuck!

Not that I mind going to Wichita, Kansas (Wow!, Rully - That's a special inside joke. Sorry for the interruption) for a day. Kansas is lovely and very, very flat. The soil looks like its great for growing stuff. (I don't garden, so I'm guessing here) I noticed the difference at the Oklahoma/Kansas stateline. Oklahoma-side = red clay, Kansas-side = that almost black stuff you see people on cable's DIY Network and HGTV ooh & aah over (just add perlite or vermiculite for proper drainage and you're set!). That must be where they make potting soil.

The drive is very nice. There's an old truck stop about 45 minutes out of OKC that has the most delicious cheeseburger. The lady behind the counter wears a huge black wig and her wispy greys peek out of the bottom. She's so kind and quick to talk to you while your burger is being made. I would have never found the place had I not consumed a glass of iced tea before I left the house. I had to pee so badly when I got off that exit. But I can't remember exactly where the place is so I may have to resort to the tea again.

Yeah, I'd like to be sitting on my back patio, swingin' on my swing - but I'm looking forward to seeing the southern end of my northern neighbor.

Oh So Close...

2005-06-07T19:28:00.000-07:00

Interesting that the hit counter is close to 1,000 and I'm almost to the end of my first Moleskine notebook. (Okay, interesting to me.) Its review time as I ponder the potential of the new Moleskine that sits - unopened - on my night stand. Will it have that new Moleskine smell? Will I use the stickers? What the hell is the purpose of the stickers? Should I be so concerned with the stickers?

Much of the book holds observations; many of them have been posted here. Some of my favorites are:

100 (Plus 1) Things About Me (can you say narcissistic?)
Draw Outside the Lines - From Now On
Mother's Day
White Women Can't Dance
Sisss Boom Bah (received my first comment)
You Know its Time to Go On a Diet When
A Prayer for My Dearest Friends

Some of the other stuff includes:

The "100 People I know" list. It started out as a tool to build a client base when I was toying with the idea of building an Arbonne business. I have a specific thing I want to accomplish before I do that, but the exercise has been so interesting that I kept it up. So far, I've come up with 44 people I know directly.

John Thornell, PhD's quote, "True bravery is: Arriving home stinking drunk after a very late night out with the boys...Then, being assaulted by your wife with a broom; and still having the guts to ask, 'Are you cleaning, or were you flying somewhere?'" I have no idea where I picked that one up, but I thought it was funny enough to keep - I still do.

Ideas for a bed & breakfast specifically for filmmakers.

Many "To Do" lists. (some of it got done)

Many grocery lists. (all of that got purchased and eaten)

My quote - "How close to on-time your flights are...is directly proportional to how badly you want to get home."

This little $10.00 notebook is one of my favorite possessions. It has a place to put your address and a reward amount, should you loose it and want it back. This one has a $20.00 reward. I think the next one will have a $50.00 reward.

Why so much for the next one? The nearly full Moleskine holds the dreams. The unopened Moleskine could be the potential to realizing them.

My Kid's a Dot Com...

2005-06-06T10:06:00.000-07:00

If you've read this blog for any length of time you know that I gave birth to three amazing kids. The youngest is a 5 yr old boy and is frequently the subject of one blog or another. The next oldest is a 19 yr old woman and she's a very talented hairdresser. Her ability to get my father's "Seven Cow-lick" head of hair looking good is truly magical. My oldest is a singer/song writer living the starving artist life in Hollywood, California and this blog entry is for her.

Audra Mae is 21 years old and to say that she's grabbed onto the talented branch of my family tree is an understatement Watching and listening to her bloom into a musician has been a real honor! And now she has evolved into a dotcom! Yep, I can now share her with the world!!!

Surf over to www.audramae.com and click her "Tunes" link and you can hear what I get the privilege of hearing all the time. You can download the MP3's posted, or just stream them. And if you live anywhere near L.A. you'd be crazy not to see her perform live.

So...what are you waiting for?!!! Go! See! Listen!!

The Most Wonderful Summertime Toy...

2005-05-23T20:28:00.000-07:00

The Slip-n-Slide! The kids in the neighborhood, along with my son had a most wonderful time sliding across that bright yellow piece of wet plastic.

Now there's a long slick of mud down the middle of my front yard. All of the boys have bright pink bellies! And my mind of full with memories of 5 year olds laughing.

Puke...It seperates the men from the boys...

2005-05-11T10:51:00.000-07:00

At roughly 4:00 a.m. (ish) the boy crawled into my bed and told me his tummy hurt. "I think I just have to go poop." After doing his business he crawls back into my bed and snuggles in behind me. That's the most wonderful feeling when his arms wrap around me and he says, "I love you mom."

And while still in the glow of that touching sentiment he makes a strange sound. "Did you just puke?", and then the second unmistakable Blaughhaaa (what is the phonetic spelling for the sound of a 5 yr old puking?). "Yep, you puked."

I learned a major difference between girls and boys last night. When the girls got sick in the middle of the night it was my job to stand there and hold there hair out of their face. With a boy I stand there, but there's nothing to do. I just felt dumb and useless. (At 4:00 a.m. I am dumb and useless.)

But this is about my husband. The most amazing man on Earth! Not only did he get up and help our boy get his teeth brushed but he cleaned up all the places where puke didn't hit the target. And then he stripped the bed, and put it all in the wash (even asked what temp and setting on the washer). After I cleaned the mattress he went into the garage and got his big extention cord. At that point the boy was puking again. While I stood next to him, feeling dumb and useless, I wondered where the big extention cord fit in.

And then I heard my hair dryer. He dried the mattress for me! What a man!

Son's Day...

2005-05-09T18:50:00.000-07:00

Sunday morning I woke up early. Before everyone else in the house was awake I enjoyed the quiet of the morning, answered email, read the paper and drank a good amount of coffee.

At around 9:00 a.m. my son appeared at my office door, rubbing his sleepy doe-like brown eyes, sporting nothing but his tighty-whities and a smile. "MOM!! ITS MOTHER'S DAY!" he suddenly shouts. "Oh my gosh! It is!" I reply with equal enthusiasm. And then he asks, "And you know what the next day is?" He's now climbing into my lap. "It's SON'S DAY!"

Really? "What's Son's Day, sweety?" Now his hands are fully animated with each syllable. "It's when the Boy Childs get to stay in bed!!!" His smile steals my heart. "Really! Well then, when is this Son's Day?" He gladly tells me, "Next Saturday!"

"Okay," I tell him, "you can stay in bed as long as you want next Saturday!" And he gives me the most wonderful hug around my neck. "Awesome! Can you make me breakfast now so I can go ride my bike?"

I had a very happy mother's day!

Mother's Day...

2005-05-06T14:24:00.000-07:00

I'll have breakfast in bed and receive an appropriately lovely gift. I'll be honored for the love I so freely give. It is always an honor to love you all.

So, before you give me hugs and kisses, call me from far off places and stop by to say "Hi" I will tell you Thank You!

Thank you for your wisdom, your energy, your unconditional love. You all show me what it means to live life, rich and authentic.

My confidence comes from the lessons you've taught me. My heart is more open, my patience longer, my appreciation deeper because you have been my teachers.

If I am beautiful in your eyes it is because I am the reflection of your perfect love.

Love,
Mom

Four languages...

2005-05-05T12:19:00.000-07:00

My husband speaks four languages (three fluently). We seriously talked about going on "The Amazing Race" - between his gift of language and my excellent sense of direction we could get anywhere on Earth quite effectively - but then they started making their contestants eat gross stuff. That put a stop to the dream. He can puke on a dime (there's a graphic image, eh?).

Anyway...we were in Walmart (Man! I spend a lot of time there) looking for a shower head. The package text was in English and French. The English part was bent in on itself and I couldn't read the details. So I handed it to him. He went through the trouble of unbending the packaging and then handed it back to me. "Oh, I guess I could have translated it. Shit! The one time in 3 years I get to use French and I blow it!"

Ah well. C'est la Vi!

How to prepare a 5 yr old boy for vacation...

2005-05-04T16:55:00.000-07:00

I have spent some time reading through the many observations I jotted down in the Moleskine during the vacation/adventure; I thought I'd share.

"Son, there's a couple of very important things we need to talk about before we leave. First, you must keep this note in the front pocket of your backpack." I read the just-in-case-we-get-seperated note and made sure he understood. He promised he would stick to me like glue! "And there's one more thing - You can't pick your nose and eat it at your Uncle Mike and Aunt Jane's house."

He agreed without an argument. My boy is growing up.

From Before the Blog...

2005-05-03T17:32:00.000-07:00

The following comes from just before I began blogging. Not long before my 43rd birthday I took my daughter's advice and purchased my first Moleskine. Its the best advice I have taken in quite some time...

I can still imagine
other worlds in the mirror.
On the other side of my reflection

I see a peace for me.
For everyone.
On the other side of my reflection

There are endless picnics and tea parties.

we all understand how precious our time is -

On the other side of my reflection

Sometimes I see the lines around my eyes -
but more often I see through
On the other side of my reflection

Open Pole Night...

2005-04-27T10:18:00.000-07:00

I was running an errand the other day and drove past one of our not-so-lovely nuddie bars. The portable sign out front said "Amateur Night Every Tuesday Night." You mean to tell me that there are women willing to dance nude for free?

I grew up in Las Vegas, Nevada...so I've seen a few shows on the strip where women do just that - strip - and dance to an audience. Years ago, after I moved to Oklahoma City, I played "roady" for a friend's local band that played at "The Red Dog", another not-so-lovely "gentlemen's club" (I hate that term. I have no doubt that real gentlemen do not frequent such places). Those girls were pros and all in all, not that attractive - nor could they dance. Most disappointing; no skill, no fenesse. Just a bunch of saggy boobies wabbling to much too loud music.

I would hate to be at a place like that for amateur night.

I Wonder What this is All About...

2005-04-22T09:25:00.000-07:00

While "free-form" surfing this morning I came across www.orkut.com. Here's what their "join" page says:

"orkut is unique, because it's an organically growing network of trusted friends. That way we won't grow too large, too quickly and everyone will have at least one person to vouch for them.If you know someone who is a member of orkut, that person can invite you to join as well. If you don't know an orkut member, wait a bit and most likely you soon will.We look forward to having you as part of the orkut community."

What's this all about? Is this electronic eliteism, or a billiant marketing plan?

Just curious.

Good to Be Home...

2005-04-21T03:58:00.000-07:00

I don't know how to quantify our vacation, just yet. It was such a bizarre combination of the pleasant and the not so pleasant. I have pages and pages of observations in my Moleskine notebook, but I'm having trouble transcribing it all onto this blog. I think I'll try to sum up the past week in the form of two lists.

The Pleasant List

My son is the most awesome traveler ever! The crap that the kid had to put up with and he took it all in stride. What a trooper!!
My daughter's show at The Highland Grounds on 4/16/05 was amazing! Oh my God, she's so fucking good!
I got a free upgrade on my rental car.
The PT Cruiser is fun to drive!
I can drive all over LA without getting lost!
Surprisingly, the traffic was pleasant (for LA).
My son found a friend, his age, at the Salt Lake City airport while we were stuck there for 6 hours. He never once complained about the delay. And she was really cute!
While we were away, my husband tiled the kitchen/dining room, laundry room and pantry. Its so beautiful! I wish you could see it. (One of these days I have to figure out how to do that - post pictures on this blog, not tile the kitchen)
The "Delicious Fish" candy at the SLC airport!
I saw Robert Forester at The Silver Spoon in Hollywood.
Seeing my family.
Appreciating how nice it is to be in OKC and looking forward to going home.
Learning the parking meter trick.

The Not So Pleasant List

The underwire to my bra snapped in the middle of the Salt Lake City/LAX flight; Impaling my left breast. I was forced to remove the offending device right there in the seat because the beverage cart blocked my path to the bathroom.
You know the house guest/fish rule? After three days they both begin to stink. Well wrap me in yesterday's newspaper and call me mackrel! Six days is waaayyy too long to be staying in someone else's home. I need to send a "thank you" card and an "I'm sorry" card.
We had equipment problems in Salt Lake City on our return flight. What was suppose to be a 45 minute layover turned out to be more like six hours. So we didn't get into OKC until after 1:00 a.m. on Monday night/Tuesday morning.
I never could find a decent meal. We went to the Silver Spoon and my daughter's dinner plate came with a bright blue piece of already chewed up gum! It's soooo hard to find a decent restaurant - or at least one that can make a meal comperable to my cooking.
My check card wouldn't work on the last two days I was in LA - even though I showed a pretty good sized balance.
I didn't get to meet my daughter's new guy friend.
I didn't get to take the kids to an amusement park because I had to spend money on crap I didn't want to spend money on.
Three days into the trip, I was wishing I could go home.

Its so good to be home. I'm appreciating the Oklahoma sunsets, the free parking, comparatively no traffic at rush hour, lots and lots of open space, my dog (even though he's old - he's friendly) and everything else that makes home...home.

What NOT to Ask After Sex...

2005-04-12T23:11:00.000-07:00

A girl friend of mine and I got to talking about the "What are you thinking?" question. You're never quite prepared for the answer. Especially if men ask (which is rare, but happens). Here are some of the possibles we came up with tonight:

1. "I was wondering how many children we should have." run, run for your life (unless you've been married to this girl for awhile).

2. "Oh, just wondering if Daddy's still got that shotgun."

3. "Just estimating your possible debt ratio."

4. "I'm thinking pizza - how about you?" This is a keeper. Run off to Vegas and tie the knot right now because you guys know...that's exactly what you were thinking!

5. "Beige, I think I'll paint the ceiling beige."

Today was the Longest 5 Years of My Life!!!!

2005-04-12T18:07:00.000-07:00

I didn't think 4:30 p.m. was ever going to get here. However, time being what it is - here I am; at home - boarding passes already printed, a mound of laundry to get done so we don't go to L.A. naked awaits my getting off my ass to put it in the washer, and an open suit case rests on the end of my bed. Today is the last day my son has to mark an X through a day on the calender.

Tomorrow is Delicious Fish Day!!! Meaning, the fish candy at the Salt Lake City airport kiosk is absolutely delicious and every time we travel we look forward to changing planes in SLC. You've got to try them. If a 5 yr old boy can remember their deliciousness SEVEN MONTHS LATER then you've got to know their good.

The race to relax has begun. I'm loving the irony.

The Only Thing...

2005-04-12T13:40:00.000-07:00

...keeping me from loosing my mind in this last hour before vacation:

1. Listening to Average White Band's "Play That Funky Music White Boy"
2. Bryan Adams "Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman" from Don Juan DeMarco

The first one just makes me grin ear to ear. The second makes me swoon. Can 43 yr old women swoon in 2005? This one does!

The Last Hour...

2005-04-12T13:32:00.000-07:00

Aaahhhggg! The last hour at the office before vacation starts....it sucks.

How...

2005-04-06T10:26:00.000-07:00

How do I hold you
When you're so far away
How to I tell you
It will all be okay

How do I let him
Tear up your heart
Allow him to walk
And give him a head-start

One day you will be clear
Your heart again whole
A smile in your eyes
The story all told

And then one night
When your child is grown
You'll get that call
And your heart will moan

It will be your turn
To listen and learn
About the man that has hurt her
And your heart will burn...

How do I hold you
When you're so far away
How do I tell you
It will all be okay

Oh! The Things You Can See at Walmart...

2005-04-02T19:01:00.000-08:00

The first time in days I've been out of the house. Old Mother Hubbard's cupboards were bare, so it was off to Wally-World for me and the boy.

I didn't do much more than shower and put cloths on before I headed out. My 18 yr old daughter (the hairdresser student) would have hyper ventilated had she seen the ensemble I tossed on. I was clean. My son was clean. That's all that mattered to me. That, and we desperately needed Trix (they're for kids and adults - but for some reason, not for rabbits - poor bastards).

Saturdays are hellish. Avoid Saturday afternoons. Everyone is in Walmart. Cart traffic makes the 101 in L.A. look like child's play! If its not a pissed off guy, sent on a wild goose chase for something his wife forgot - then its two sets of long lost friends...and what do you know...they've discovered each other right in front of the Trix. I'm waiting for a news story on cart rage.

Today's people-watching moment was in the 20 Items or Less Express Lane. The lady in front of me - her cart was stuffed full. I had a bag of paper plates, a box of Trix and a big bottle of Hershey's Chocolate Syrup. (would you believe that besides the cereal, the other items were business related?) The cashier explains the Express Lane policy - "Yeah, so, you're not busy." The lady says. I wanted to stare her down, make her feel extremely uncomfortable...but no. (People watching is much like a Jane Goodall expedition, or Star Trek - observe, but don't fuck with it.) And in the cart was a girl about 3 yrs old; her upper-lip coated in snot, holding an open can of Underwood Devilled Ham - and she's scooping out little bites with the end of her shoe string - popping the little morsals into her mouth.

Getting nauseated I turn to glance at the cart behind me. Another 3 yr old - a boy this time - barefoot, covered in filth (may have had blond hair; not sure), stuffing his dirty little mitts into a greasy bag of fries and popping them into his mouth. His "cart chauffeur" was a woman, wearing a men's tank top, and she had huge smelly-looking boobs. Certain one was about to flop out and hit my son in the head I directed him to talk to the Underwood-Devilled-Ham-Shoestring-eating girl.

If my hairdresser-student daughter could have seen what I saw - she would not have had such a cow over the terquoise Oklahoma City Community College sweatshirt, red & blue plaid sweat pants and floral flip-flop shoes. I was clean - I was stylin'.

On Being Sick...

2005-03-31T18:32:00.000-08:00

It sucks. It sucks a lot! And it really, really sucks when you and your son have the same nasty thing at the same time. To all who read this, invest in Puffs Plus. I'm purchasing truck-loads of the miraculous little tissues with the perfect amount of lotion embedded into every God-sent square. I sure hope there's a special place in Heaven for the genius minds that developed these gems.

I've learned some things this week:

1) I can't figure out how to set up the Technorati Profile thingy. Perscription decongestants/expectrants and technical terms such as "thingy" when combined equals "Honnneeeeyyy, why can't I make this work?" (imagine much wining and nashing of teeth - in between coughing fits and nose blowing).

2) The sound of a five yr old boy not quite making it to the bathroom before he pukes has a very distinctive sound. I asked him after the major clean-up, "Oh Sweetie, were you feeling like you needed to throw up?" And he answered, "No! It just shot right out of me when I was walking down the hall!" It sounded like it too! The pharmacist said rather matter-of-factly, "Oh yeah, it can do that to you." Really? I don't remember sudden projectile vomiting being on the list of side effects.

3) I totally get "Ed, Edd, and Eddy" and the moody chick on "Teen Titans." Cartoon Network rocks.

4) My five yr old has the fine motor skills to place exactly three drops of Similasan into my right ear - I'm pretty damned impressed and relieved!

5) I'm grateful that we got this now and not two weeks from now. I am soooo looking forward to going to L.A. If this had been just a few days later in developing into the pukey mess that its been, the trip would have been off. I feel like complete shit, yet somehow I feel like I dodged a bullet.

Good night, and sweet dreams.

A Story for the Holiday...

2005-03-26T08:02:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time...several scientists gathered to discuss the condition of all of earth's inhabitants. After days of discourse they decided to perform a couple of experiments.

On the first day they constructed a huge cage in a very large laboratory. It was a simple, strong structure with one locked door. In this cage they placed animals of every type, known to be natural enemies, and provided for their basic needs to include an ample supply of water and plenty of Purina's finest animal chows. They had a rough time getting all of them into the cage. Once the creatures were in, and the door was locked, the scientists covered the cage with a huge canvas and headed off to Starbucks for a nice cup of Arabian Mocha Sanani.

After 24 hours the scientists returned to the laboratory, removed the canvas to discover that all of the animals (known to be natural enemies) had learned to get along. It was now time to move on to the second phase of their experiment. They freed all of the animals and went about cleaning the giant cage.

On day two they gathered all of the leaders from all of the world's religions. Once again the scientists saw to it that all basic needs, including each religion's sacred texts and items for their particular rituals were provided within the cage. They had a rough time getting all of them into the cage, but once they were in, and the door was locked, the scientists covered the cage with the huge canvas and headed off to IHOP for a well deserved order of stuffed crepes.

After 24 hours the scientists returned to the laboratory, removed the canvas to disover that...

Nothing was left.

Did I Say That Out Loud?

2005-03-25T18:18:00.000-08:00

I dance, even though I look pretty damned dorky doing it. I sing to the radio/CD player in the car at full voice. Occasionally I get a strange look or a knowing smile from fellow highway-mates (is that even a word? not yet; I'm just doing my part to expand the English language). And its not too unusual to find me talking to myself.

Ah, but last night...I got busted having a knock-down-drag-out argument with myself! I didn't know that I was not alone. How could I? I was ranting and raving - arguing two sides to a ridiculous argument - in full voice.

"Honey? Are you having a conversation with yourself?" my husband asks. "No! I'm having an argument!" Okay, honestly I was working through a possible scenario with an idiot co-worker. I'm sure I'll never have that argument with said moron, but it was so fun telling them off!!

Have I lost it completely? My mother used to say that it was okay to talk to yourself, "It's when you start answering yourself that you should be concerned."

My Daughter Has a Great Pair of Balls!!

2005-03-22T19:24:00.000-08:00

My oldest daughter lives in L.A. West Hollywood to be exact. She's a singer/songwriter and she kicks ass. On the day she becomes famous I'll post it here and you'll say..."oh Wow! She's your daughter?" And then you'll get to hear all about my Mommy-Dearest past.

But I digress. Balls yes, she has a formidable pair, apparently. Her apartment is teeny-tiny and just across the street from a car detail place where all the rappers (the famous and not so) get their cars all pimped out (her words; my only cultural reference for pimp is "Huggy Bear" on the T.V. series "Starsky and Hutch" - oh God I'm getting old). She's blessed with a great view of West Hollywood, but sound carries right up into her apartment. Most street sounds have become white noise for her - sirens, traffic; but not Rap and Hip Hop cranked up to heart pounding decibels.

On the day in question a rapper named Guerilla Black was playing his own music extra loud while the professionals were pimping out his car (I'm sorry, I have to giggle when I use that phrase). After 45 minutes my daughter had had enough.

Now, imagine a 5'1" redheaded, barefoot Oklahoma girl. Now click this link. "Mom, I marched right up to the guy - he was sitting down and I said 'Excuse Me!' and he stood up - I came to his knees - and then he said 'yeah darling' - he was soooo tall!! And then I figured I'd gone this far - what the hell - so I handed him one of my CD's from the live show at The Highland Grounds and said to him 'If I have to listen to your music for the last 45 minutes, the least you can do is listen to mine!' and then I marched right back to my apartment!"

After I quit laughing I checked out his website. He's signed on Virgin Records. I'm not a rap/hip hop listener for the most part. A good deal of the time the rhythms are so similar that it all kinda runs together for me. But I realize that the message is the key, so I try to keep an open mind. I listened to the samples on G. Black's website. Nice, very nice. Romantic, heartfelt and real. The rhythms and melodies still kinda run together, but the timber of his voice and the romance in his lyrics are a nice change of pace.

So, Mr. Charles Tony Williamson (his website states that this is his government name - and mom's reserve the right to use all names when making a point) if that little redhead crosses your path again give her a hug for me and tell her I love her!

Truth in Advertising...

2005-03-19T12:10:00.000-08:00

I just submitted my blog's URL to blogwise.com. In the form I was to choose whether there was sexual content. Good question. What do I put? So far there hasn't been any sexual content. But what if I talk about my son's penis? It could happen. He plays with it on a regular basis. Is that sexual content if he's almost 5 years old and watching cartoons when he does play with his penis? (To my dear sweet boy...Mommy is transfering a good chunk of cash into your savings account for any needed therapy sessions in the future.)

I also use the word Fuck pretty regularly. Is that sexual content? Fuck does mean the act of sex, most of the time....as in "Go fuck yourself." Although, when someone really fucks things up its not a pleasant experience for anyone - so I don't think that would count as sexual material.

I don't want to mislead anyone. This can be PG, or PG13 for some, blog. I haven't written about sex yet, but I don't want to say I don't - ever - and then a moment for my moleskine comes up and I can't share it with the handful of people that read this regularly. What a dilemma!

So, in the spirit of truth in advertising...I selected "Occassionally Contains Sexual Material"...just in case.

The More Things Change....

2005-03-18T17:02:00.000-08:00

Has anyone noticed that the leaders of Russia have eliminated the popular vote of their states' governors and significantly reduced journalistic freedoms lately?

Has anyone realized how much ending the "Cold War" has cost us, the American public? We out-spent a Communist government in the arms race, and then bailed them out with a whole butt-load of cash. If we were really trying to spread democracy throughout the world then we really fucked this one up.

....the more they stay the same.

My Son is So Much Cooler than I was at that Age!

2005-03-16T19:17:00.000-08:00

I asked my boy what he wanted to do for his 5th birthday. "I want to go to California." I do have a daughter, two uncles, two aunts, a cousin, a grandmother in La La Land, so its very doable. Okay, we'll go! Anyone need anything from Trader Joe's?

When I was almost 5 years old I didn't ask for anything specific for my birthday. The answer was probably "Cake, chocolate cake!" But that's my answer to any question, really..."How do we settle the Middle East peace process once and for all?" "Cake, lots and lots of chocolate cake!" It would work, you know!

But California? Man! My son is so much cooler than me and he's only almost 5 years old!!! I was thinking Chucky Cheese, or a pinata.

An imagination like that, combined with the guts to ask for what he wants, and a pair of brown eyes and a smile that will knock the wind right out of ya! Its going to be fun living vicariously through him!

What Just Happened?

2005-03-16T19:08:00.000-08:00

I watch my counter on this site and usually I count how many times I hit the site to see if anyone is reading (or at least hitting) the site. Pretty sad and pathetic, huh?

Today I pop in to make sure that all is well in on the electronic version of my anologue blog and discover 100 more hits than I expected! What happened?

As My Grandfather Would Say...

2005-03-09T20:53:00.000-08:00

My muse is on vacation.
In the words of my grandfather....

My inspiration is running .."..as dry as a popcorn fart!"

Yeah, well - what can I say? He was an engineer, so I guess he would know how to calculate that.

The Meaning of Unhappiness

2005-03-04T16:33:00.000-08:00

Not knowing what you want...

And killing yourself to get it.

The Meaning of Patience

2005-03-04T16:06:00.000-08:00

Being an artist, living in a corporate world.

Having to be the Mean, Mean Mommy!

2005-03-03T10:25:00.000-08:00

I've been lucky the last, almost, five years. My son's biggest infraction on the rules in our house is that he consistantly refuses to pick up his toys (until I tell him that I'm about to vacuum and they'll end up in the trash if he doesn't).

Last night was his first real, and for him, emotionally painful sense of what cause and effect is all about. He took his favorite blue die-cast car and dug it into the laminent finish on the coffee table. I'd been dreading the "you're in big trouble mister!" moment. And this was a biggie. And worst of all, he laughed at me (in between his "sorry, sorry, sorry") as I told him that. I was losing my street credibility with him.

I asked him what he had used to do this damage to our furniture and he produced one of the fastest Hot Wheels in his extensive collection. This is the one that is fast enough to make it all the way around the double loop on his track. He held it out for me to examine, and then I looked at him..."Throw it away." No exclamation, no raised voice.

His eyes registered what I was telling him to do, and reflected his understanding that this was the result of his behavior. I wanted to take it all back and let him keep his car, but I knew that would be more wrong than what he did. He slowly walked to the kitchen, lifted the lid to the trash can and dropped it inside.

Later on in the evening I saw him standing over the trash can. I was afraid he was going to reach into the can and take it back. I hate sneeky behavior. My stomach turned up and over my heart. And then his beautiful little hand waved to the condemned Hot Wheel, a soundless "Good Bye" crossed his lips. He closed the lid to the trash can, took a deep breath, turned and walked away.